Parenting is full of teachable moments – those precious opportunities to impart wisdom, foster growth, and deepen our connection with our children. Recently, I had one such moment while assisting my middle child with a conflict she was facing at school. What began as a simple conversation about her feelings quickly evolved into a profound lesson about the importance of emotional awareness and the pitfalls of getting stuck in a rut when describing our feelings.
As my daughter expressed her feelings about the situation, she kept using the word “sad” to describe her emotions. But when I probed further and asked her to clarify where in her body she felt this sadness, she hesitated before finally admitting that it was in her tummy. This gave me pause – could it be that her sadness was actually something else entirely?
Drawing on a tool I’ve found invaluable in my own journey and supporting other in their own emotional self-awareness – the emotion wheel, I invited my daughter to explore her feelings further. As we examined the wheel together, she pointed to a different emotion – disappointment – that more accurately reflected her experience. Suddenly, everything clicked into place. It wasn’t sadness weighing her down, but the sting of unmet expectations and dashed hopes.
This simple yet profound exchange taught me a valuable lesson about the power of emotional awareness and the importance of being mindful of how we describe our feelings. It’s easy to fall into the trap of using familiar, comfortable words to describe our emotions, even when they don’t fully capture the complexity of our inner experiences. But by taking the time to delve deeper, to explore the nuances of our feelings and the sensations they evoke in our bodies, we can gain greater insight into our emotional landscape and navigate it with clarity and intention.
What can we do instead of getting stuck in a rut when describing our feelings?
The first step is to take a moment to pause, breathe, and check in with yourself. Notice the sensations in your body and the thoughts and feelings that arise. By cultivating a practice of mindfulness, you can develop greater awareness of your emotions and their underlying causes. Also, take note of these sensations, and if they are cycle? do they occur at a specific time (holiday, work, etc.) or with a specific person or thought.
Also, instead of defaulting to familiar terms like “sad” or “angry,” try to use more descriptive language to articulate your feelings. Are you feeling frustrated, disappointed, or overwhelmed? The more specific you can be, the better able you’ll be to understand and communicate your emotions. I like asking the why question? For example, why do I feel a knot on my stomach? Why do I feel nervous?.
Similarly, don’t be afraid to dig deeper and ask yourself or others probing questions about your feelings. Where do you feel this emotion in your body? What triggered it? What do you need in this moment to feel better? By getting curious about your emotions, you can uncover valuable insights and opportunities for growth.
Use tools and resources such as the emotion wheels, feeling charts, and other tools can be valuable resources for expanding your emotional vocabulary and gaining clarity about your feelings. Experiment with different tools and see what resonates with you.
Ultimately, the key to breaking out of the rut when describing our feelings lies in cultivating emotional awareness and embracing the richness and complexity of our inner experiences. By practicing mindfulness, using descriptive language, getting curious, and leveraging tools and resources, we can deepen our understanding of ourselves and others and navigate our emotional lives with greater clarity and intention.