My social media has been buzzing with the recent rise of terms like “masculine energy” and “feminine energy,” which have become central to our cultural conversations, especially in spaces like Tonight’s Conversation. These concepts are fueling discussions about exploring the deeper dynamics of attraction, compatibility, and how we connect with others. But what do these terms truly mean, and how do they impact our romantic lives? More importantly, how can we attract a partner whose energy aligns with our own, especially as we navigate relationships, identities, and everyday life while moving beyond traditional gender roles?

I find that these conversations often lack the depth and context needed to truly understand how these “energies” or needs influence who we are. A particularly powerful lens to explore this through is object relations theory, which illuminates how our early relationships shape our internal worlds.

A powerful way to understand these energies is through the lens of object relations theory—a psychological framework that explains how our early experiences with caregivers shape our internal world and future relationships. The recent Whoreible Decisions episode with Anwar offers a unique perspective on these energies, particularly how they manifest in dating and relationships.

Masculine energy and feminine energy are normally tied to gender, but they are also archetypal energetic forces that exist in all of us. In relationships, these energies create balance and polarity, often becoming the foundation for attraction. Here’s a breakdown:

The association to masculine energy are traits like leadership, assertiveness, direction, structure, and logic. In dating, someone embodying masculine energy may take charge, make decisions, and offer protection or guidance. Feminine energy are linked to qualities like intuition, empathy, nurturing, and emotional expression. In relationships, this energy is receptive, flowing, and often focused on emotional connection and vulnerability.

In healthy relationships, there’s a balance and harmony between these energies. However, problems arise when one person leans too heavily into one energy or represses another. For example, a man or woman operating exclusively in masculine energy may struggle to express emotions or be vulnerable. On the flip side, someone leaning too heavily into feminine energy may become passive, avoiding decisions or boundaries.

This is where object relations theory helps us understand how these energies are developed and expressed in adulthood. This theory, rooted in psychoanalysis, suggests that our early relationships with caregivers—often our parents—form mental representations or “internal objects” that shape how we view others and ourselves in relationships.

For instance, if we had a nurturing caregiver, we may grow up feeling safe to express vulnerability and emotions in our adult relationships. Conversely, if caregivers displayed less emotional expression this could lead us to prioritize logic over feelings, or to avoid emotional depth in dating.

Our romantic relationships often mirror these early experiences, as we unconsciously seek out partners who trigger familiar patterns, whether healthy or dysfunctional. These dynamics can create a pull towards partners who embody the opposite energy we’ve learned to express or avoid, often replicating the patterns we experienced as children.

In the Whoreible Decisions episode featuring Anwar, the conversation veered into territory that reflected these very dynamics. Anwar’s provided examples how in relationships and dating experiences highlighted the complex ways masculine and feminine energies manifest in non-traditional and sometimes unconventional contexts. Relationships are not just about love or romance; they were deeply rooted in power dynamics, dominance, submission, and vulnerability—all of which tie into the balance of these energies.

Anwar shared how masculine energy often dominates the dating approach, regardless of gender identity. This is a common challenge for many cisgender women today, who seek to date from their feminine energy without losing control or feeling the need to shift into masculine energy. This dynamic can often lead to unbalanced relationships.

At the same time, the episode also touched on a person who embraced feminine energy, bringing nurturing and emotional depth into relationships. These dynamics can create intense attraction because masculine and feminine energies, when expressed fully, complement each other beautifully. However, problems arise when one energy is overexpressed, leading to power imbalances, emotional disconnection, or codependency.

So, how do we create balance between masculine and feminine energy in relationships?

Self-Awareness: The first step is understanding how these energies operate within you. Do you lean more toward masculine or feminine energy in relationships? Are you comfortable with vulnerability, or do you prefer control and direction? Understanding your natural tendencies can help you recognize where you may need more balance.

Healing Past Wounds: Object relations theory suggests that our relationship patterns are often rooted in unresolved issues from childhood. Healing past wounds—such as attachment issues, emotional neglect, or overbearing control—can help you move away from unhealthy dynamics and toward a more balanced expression of both energies.

Embrace Emotional Vulnerability: Whether you identify more with masculine or feminine energy, vulnerability is key to healthy relationships. If you naturally express masculine energy, allow yourself to soften and be emotionally present with your partner. If you align more with feminine energy, practice setting boundaries and asserting your needs.

Polarity Creates Passion: In dating, polarity between masculine and feminine energy can create powerful attraction. However, this doesn’t mean one partner must always be masculine and the other feminine. Partners can shift between these energies depending on the situation. Healthy relationships embrace this fluidity, allowing both partners to express different energies when necessary.

Masculine and feminine energy are much more than trending topics, they are vital forces that shape our relationships, dating experiences, and emotional connections. Through object relations theory, we can see how these energies are often formed by our early relationships, becoming ingrained in how we approach love and intimacy as adults.

The Whoreible Decisions episode with Anwar serves as a reminder that these dynamics are complex, especially in non-traditional relationships. Whether you’re dating, in a committed relationship, or exploring unconventional partnerships, understanding the balance of masculine and feminine energy can help you cultivate deeper connections, greater emotional intimacy, and ultimately, more fulfilling relationships.